Improving interpersonal skills

In business management, interpersonal skills are sometimes also referred to as people skills or communication skills. Interpersonal skills involve using skills such as active listening, tone of voice, delegation, and leadership. It is how well you communicate with someone and how well you behave or carry yourself.

The term ‘interpersonal skills’ is used often in business contexts to refer to the measure of a person’s ability to operate within business organisations through social communication and interactions. Interpersonal skills are how people relate to one another.

What is interpersonal skill?

• Effectively translating and conveying information
• Being able to accurately interpret other people’s emotions
• Being sensitive to other people’s feelings
• Calmly arriving at resolutions to conflict
• Avoiding gossip
• Being polite

Research

It is important to research various networking groups and associations to find out which ones will work for you. Some choose Rotary, some go for Lions and some others go for Kiwanis. There are several who join the brotherhood fraternity Freemasons or other such associations. These associations help individuals network and draw paths that will lead to solid personal friendships or business relationships.

It is useful to research your contacts by asking them questions, so that you will know with whom you are dealing. Research every possible opportunity. I have, for example, worked hard to convert opportunities into useful and valuable contacts through networking.

I met the Managing Director of Servicom Medical Products Ltd., Singapore, Adina Joanne when she was a participant at one of the talks I gave at the Singapore Marketing Institute in 2007. I took the initiative to network with her and over the next 12 months, I was able, through emails and phone calls, mixed with personal visits each time I visited Singapore, to establish and strengthen a strong relationship with her.

I was introduced to her husband and mother and I soon became a family friend. She then introduced me to her brother who was the President of the Indian Chamber of the Malaysian National Chamber of Commerce. She also recommended me very well and suggested that I be invited to deliver a talk to the National Chamber of Commerce.

In two months, I was in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, delivering a talk on business strategy planning for 130 business leaders in Malaysia. Ever since then, I have been delivering talks on various business topics at the Malaysian Chamber every other year. This is but one example of the power and benefit of ‘networking’.

What’s more, I have also been a consultant and management trainer to Servicom Medical Products Malaysia for the past five years. So I now cover the Servicom Group across Singapore and Malaysia. Since the company opened operations in Vietnam and Indonesia, I now have the opportunity of extending my presence in these two countries as well.

Self promotion

Learn to promote yourself effectively. If you don’t blow your own trumpet, no one else will blow it for you! If you don’t promote yourself through hard work, smart work, consistency in performance, dependability and integrity, don’t expect someone else to do that part for you.

Most Asians are self-centred and only think about themselves. How many of you have seen your neighbours genuinely happy and excited when your son or daughter achieves eight As in their O/L examination? This is why paying compliments to another for something well done becomes a nightmare to some managers.The secret of my success in the multinational business world can be condensed into a simple formula which I am happy to share with my column readers. I believe that you must create ‘vibrations’ and ‘visibility’ in order to get noticed and identified. The important word is ‘consistency’. Spiking performance doesn’t get you too far.

Here is my personal experience with Sterling Winthrop, a U.S. multinational pharmaceutical organization employing 56,000 people worldwide. I joined the company (Sri Lankan operation known as Mackwoods-Winthrop at that time) on 1 July 1991 as head of human resources.  My probation was a six-month period.  I spent the first month studying and understanding the business and the people in decision-making positions in the hierarchy. I got working from the second month, not doing just anything that comes under the definition of HR but by initiating value adding HR services under the HR strategic, IR and operational functions.

What I achieved was, to most people, unbelievable. I had to make a presentation on the local operation at the Regional HR Conference in Edinburgh, Scotland in November 1991 (fifth month since I joined the company). I was confirmed in employment on 31 December 1991. I was happy.  Then, in January 1998, just six months after I joined the company, I was appointed the Regional HR Director of Sterling Winthrop, East Africa Region and based in Nairobi, Kenya. The HR functions of eight countries, i.e., Kenya, Tanzania, Uganda, Rwanda, Burundi, Somalia, Ethiopia and Mauritius, came under my purview.

The HR country directors had a dotted line reporting to me, whilst they exercised an administrative reporting line to their respective country managers. The point I am making is that within the six months probation period and topping it all with my presentation at the regional conference in Scotland, I was able to create the right mix of visibility and vibration.

Hence, I strongly believe in the generation of creative solutions, good networking, inter-personal connections and networking and, above all, the consistency of super performance. Supporting all of this, integrity must be the forerunner. If you create any doubt in integrity, you can be very sure that you are out of the career race… especially in a multinational company.

This principle is so strong in my heart that today, even in my own company, McQuire Rens & Jones (Pvt) Ltd., we have an unwritten strong principle which is well communicated to all staff at their final interview and at their induction.

The principle is that if any staff member is discovered having said or stated an untruth, the person will be fired from the company within 30 minutes of the discovery. We have, to date, fired five staff members of whom three were females and two were males. Lying and deceit, in our organization is a ‘No second chance disease.’ We follow the ‘HIV’ principle.

Understand your features and benefits and learn how to express them.

Communications

Communicate effectively. Good communications are invaluable in any situation. Be articulate, concise, enthusiastic, honest and open. Use language with which you are comfortable but make sure it is powerful. Don’t forget the other side of communicating: listening. This is important as speaking.

Think creatively

nSolve problems and maximise opportunities with innovative ideas. The action of combining      previously uncombined elements.

nPlaying with the way things are interrelated

nAbility to generate novel and useful ideas and solutions to everyday problems and challenges.

Where does innovation kick in? In radical and incremental changes in thinking, in processes or in services. True creativity consists of seeing what everyone else has seen, thinking what no one else has thought, and doing what no one else has dared! Every living, breathing human being has the potential to be creative.

Why are some more creative and innovative - because they have abilities, motivation and opportunities in the environment and in practice.

How to increase your creativity

1.Set a measurable goal

2.Set up criteria to indicate whether or not you have or are reaching your goal.

3.Read and learn about creativity  techniques

4.Surround yourself with people who love and respect you; people who encourage you to take risks.

5.Celebrate your progress in reaching your creativity goals

6.Begin thinking of yourself as a creative person. Surround that identity with beliefs about your creative abilities.

7.Learn the skills of creativity, act creatively  every opportunity you get and find environments that support creative behaviour

Follow through

Follow through on your commitments, both to yourself and others. We meet important people; important in a personal sense or important in a business sense. Do we follow up religiously with the contacts that we make at parties, dinners, conferences, weddings, cocktails and funerals?                  We zealously exchange business cards but do we make the effort to follow-up on the first meeting paving the way for a strong connection?

Record keeping

How do you amaze them with what you remember about them? Right after you’ve talked to someone at a gathering, take out your pen. On the back of his or her business card, write notes to remind you of the conversation. Take full and accurate notes. Write reminder notes about people you’ve met on the back of their business cards.

Rules for good networking

• Be open
• Be prepare
• Give just to give
• Treat everyone as equals
• Ask for yourself
• Say thank you\
• Commit
• Be courteous
• Circulate\
• Leave the conversation door open so that you can connect again soon.
• Who makes up your network?
• Family
• Friends
• Neighbours

Professionals in your field

• Suppliers
• Clients
• Co-workers

Be tactful

T = Think before you speak

A = Apologize quickly when you blunder

C = Converse, don’t complete

T = Time your comments

F = Focus on behaviour

U = Uncover hidden feelings

L = Listen to feedback

Do you know how your communication style is perceived? To progress in your career it is vital that you communicate in an assertive way. It is important to understand how your communication style is interpreted by others to avoid miscommunication and misunderstandings. The goal is communicate with assertion and avoid an aggressive, passive-aggressive or passive style of communication.

Use the following checklist to see how you communicate overall or to evaluate a particular exchange you’ve had to see how you can improve on your communication style.

Aggressive communication

Aggressive communication is a method of expressing needs and desires that do not take in to account the welfare of others. Those who communicate in an aggressive manner are generally perceived as selfish and unwilling to compromise. An aggressive communication style is usually linked to a desire to hurt others or exact revenge, or may reflect poor emotional development. Assertive communication is a more effective means of expression that can be learned.

• You choose and make decisions for others.
• You are brutally honest.
• You are direct and forceful.
• You are self enhancing and derogatory.
• You’ll participate in a win-lose situation only if you’ll win.
• You demand your own way.
• You feel righteous, superior, controlling – later possibly feeling guilt.
• Others feel humiliated, defensive, and resentful and hurt around you.
• Others view you in the exchange as angry, vengeful, distrustful and fearful.
• The outcome is usually that your goal is achieved at the expense of others. Your rights are upheld but others are violated.
• Your underlying belief system is that you have to put others down to protect yourself.

Passive communication

Passive communication is a form of expression that is ineffective and maladaptive. Those with a passive communication style are generally afraid of confrontation and do not feel they have the right to make their wishes and desires known. This style of communication can lead to feelings of anxiety, anger, depression and helplessness and is common among those with social anxiety disorder (SAD).

• You allow others to choose and make decisions for you.
•  
• You are emotionally dishonest.
• You are indirect and self denying.You are inhibited.If you get your own way, it is by chance.
• You feel anxious, ignored, helpless, manipulated, and angry at yourself and/or others.
• Others feel guilty or superior and frustrated with you.
• Others view you in the exchange as a pushover and that you don’t know what you want or how you stand on an issue.
• The outcome is that others achieve their goals at your expense. Your rights are violated.
• Your underlying belief is that you should never make someone uncomfortable or displeased except yourself.

Passive-aggressive communication

What is passive aggressive behaviour? It is a learned behaviour that keeps a person from expressing anger in a healthy manner. The passive aggressive person is an angry, spiteful person who outwardly appears friendly, kind and caring.

If you are involved with a passive aggressive you will find yourself frustrated, like you’ve done something wrong that keeps the passive aggressive from being able to relate to you emotionally. The most prevalent negative behaviour a passive aggressive displays is withholding or withdrawing. They withdraw during conflict leaving you feeling as if you are responsible for solving all problems yourself.

The passive aggressive will withhold as a form of covert abuse. They can’t express anger so to punish they withhold something they think you want.

 

• You manipulate others to choose your way.
• You appear honest but underlying comments confuse.
• You tend towards indirectness with the air of being direct.You are self-enhancing but not straight forward about it.
• In win-lose situations you will make the opponent look bad or manipulate it so you win.
• If you don’t get your way you’ll make snide comments or pout and be the victim.
• You feel confused, unclear on how to feel, you’re angry but not sure why. Later you possibly feel guilty.
• Others feel confused, frustrated, not sure who you are or what you stand for or what to expect next.
• Others view you in the exchange as someone they need to protect themselves from and fear being manipulated and controlled.
• The outcome is that the goal is avoided or ignored as it causes such confusion or the outcome is the same as with an aggressive or passive style.
• Your underlying belief is that you need to fight to be heard and respected. If that means you need to manipulate, be passive or aggressive, so be it.

Assertive communication

Assertive communication is the straightforward and open expression of your needs, desires, thoughts and feelings. Assertive communication involves advocating your own needs while still considering and respecting the needs of others.

• You choose and make decisions for yourself.
• You are sensitive and caring with your honesty.
• You are direct.
• You are self-respecting, self expressive and straight forward
• You convert win-lose situations to win-win ones.
• You are willing to compromise and negotiate.
• You feel confident, self-respecting, goal-oriented, valued. Later you may feel a sense of accomplishment.
• Others feel valued and respected.
• Others view you with respect, trust and understand where you stand.
• The outcome is determined by above-board negotiation. Your rights and others are respected.
• Your underlying belief is that you have a responsibility to protect your own rights. You respect others but not necessarily their behaviour.

(The writer is the Managing Director and CEO, McQuire Rens & Jones (Pvt) Ltd. He has held regional responsibilities of two multinational companies of which one, Smithkline Beecham International was a Fortune 500 company before merging to become GSK. He carries out consultancy assignments and management training in Dubai, India, Maldives, Singapore, Malaysia, Indonesia and Bangladesh. Nalin has been consultant to assignments in the CEB, Airport & Aviation Services and setting up the PUCSL. He is a much sought-after business consultant and Corporate Management Trainer in Sri Lanka. He has won special commendation from the UN Headquarters in New York for his record speed in re-profiling and re-structuring the UNDP. He has lead consultancy assignments for the World Bank and the ADB. Nalin is an executive coach to top teams of several multinational and blue chip companies.)