Sharpen your negotiation skills

Negotiation is a method by which people settle differences. It is a process by which compromise or agreement is reached while avoiding argument. In any disagreement, individuals understandably aim to achieve the best possible outcome for their position (or perhaps an organisation they represent). However, the principles of fairness, seeking mutual benefit and maintaining a relationship are the keys to a successful outcome.

Specific forms of negotiation are used in many situations: international affairs, the legal system, government, industrial disputes or domestic relationships as examples. However, general negotiation skills can be learned and applied in a wide range of activities. Negotiation skills can be of great benefit in resolving any differences that arise between you and others.

Negotiation can be a structured process using many different interpersonal skills.

Stages of negotiation

In order to achieve a desirable outcome, it may be useful to follow a structured approach to negotiation. For example, in a work situation a meeting may need to be arranged in which all parties involved can come together. The process of negotiation includes the following stages:

Preparation: Before any negotiation takes place, a decision needs to be taken as to when and where a meeting will take place to discuss the problem and who will attend. Setting a limited timescale can also be helpful to prevent the disagreement continuing.

Undertaking preparation before discussing the disagreement will help to avoid further conflict and unnecessary wasting time during the meeting.

Discussion: During this stage, individuals or members of each side put forward the case as they see it that is their understanding of the situation. Key skills during this stage are questioning, listening and clarifying. Sometimes it is helpful to take notes during the discussion stage to record all points put forward in case there is need for further clarification. It is extremely important to listen, as when disagreement takes place it is easy to make the mistake of saying too much and listening too little. Each side should have an equal opportunity to present their case.

Clarifying goals: From the discussion, the goals, interests and viewpoints of both sides of the disagreement need to be clarified. It is helpful to list these in order of priority. Through this clarification it is often possible to identify or establish common ground.

Negotiate for a win-win outcome: This stage focuses on what is termed a WIN-WIN outcome where both sides feel they have gained something positive through the process of negotiation and both sides feel their point of view has been taken into consideration. A WIN-WIN outcome is usually the best outcome, however it may not always be possible but through negotiation it should be the ultimate goal.

Suggestions of alternative strategies and compromises need to be considered at this point. Compromises are often positive alternatives which can often achieve greater benefit for all concerned rather than holding to the original positions.

Agreement: Agreement can be achieved once understanding of both sides’ viewpoints and interests have been considered. It is essential to keep an open mind in order to achieve a solution. Any agreement needs to be made perfectly clear so that both sides know what has been decided.

Implementing a course of action: From the agreement, a course of action has to be implemented, to carry through the decision.

Failure to agree: If the process of negotiation breaks down and agreement cannot be reached, then re-scheduling a further meeting is called for. This avoids all parties becoming embroiled in heated discussion or argument, which not only wastes valuable time but can also damage future working relationships.

At this stage it may also be helpful to look at other alternative solutions and/or bring in another person to mediate.

Informal negotiation: Apart from situations when it is appropriate to employ this more formal process of negotiation, you will no doubt encounter one-to-one situations where there is a need to negotiate informally. At such a time when a difference of opinion arises, it might not be possible or appropriate to go through the stages set out above in a formal manner. Nevertheless, remembering the key points in the stages of formal negotiation may be very helpful in a variety of informal situation.

Seeing other points of view

Taking another’s view that attracts: Taking the other person’s point of view is to take the view of Life, of the deeper and wider truth of things that also has the benefit of attracting good fortune to your person. If e.g. you accept the view of a creditor you owe money rather than assert your own argument (even if correct!), good fortune will quickly come back to you -- whether the relief of long-term physical pain, or the sudden emergence of work and income when they were practically non-existent, or other forms of benefit.

Taking the other person’s point of view and life response: One of the most extraordinary principles of Life Response is that when we give up our own view of things – however much correct – and embrace the other person’s position – however much in error or at odds with our own perception – life responds out of all proportion. This mind twisting truth is no mere concept, but a lived experience that conscious individuals have had throughout time.

Taking the other person’s point of view is to take the view of Life, of the deeper and wider truth of things that also has the benefit of attracting good fortune to your person. If e.g. you accept the view of a creditor you owe money rather than assert your own argument (even if correct!), good fortune will quickly come back to you -- whether the relief of long-term physical pain, or the sudden emergence of work and income when they were practically non-existent, or other forms of benefit.

Reading other people

Learning to read people is one of the most important skills you can have in your interpersonal life. Whether you’re focusing on professional success, friendship, romance, marriage, career or parenting, understanding How to Read People will give you the ability to make sound decisions and develop incredible insight into people’s lives. With practice, your ability to understand the core motivations, desires, and thoughts of others can become so accurate as to border on an invasion of privacy.

1) Preparing you to read people

2) Beyond words: what people are really saying: The next post contains the techniques and mindset needed to develop the art of reading people?

3) How to tell if someone is lying to you

The second part of preparing ourselves to read people involves removing the barriers that keep us from accurate ‘people-reading’. The two barriers are our prejudices and our projections.

When people think of prejudice, mostly the racial kind comes to mind. Although a part of it, this is not entirely what I’m talking about here. Anytime you make an opinion, whether it is positive or negative, without knowledge or examination of the facts, you are being prejudiced.

Whenever you come up with some preconceived notion based on things such as race, color, political alignment, or even the way people dress, it taints your ability to accurately read others. Our prejudices can be based on our fears, feeling threatened, upbringing or a myriad of other things.

Closely related to prejudice is projection. In the late 50′s Leon Festinger coined a phrase called ‘Cognitive Dissonance’ which can basically be described as the human tendency to close ones eyes and minds to things that are uncomfortable or disturbing. We tend to ‘project’ our view onto a situation because it is easier to deal with.

For example, a parent noticing a child’s slipping grades, lack of appetite, and tendency to come home late, might try to shrug it off as puberty or new-found love when it’s clear to everyone else that it may be a drug problem – something that the parent is unwilling to accept.

Learning how to read people might also help you confirm if a loved one is a victim of teen drug addiction or not.

When we are emotionally committed to someone or something it can blind us from the truth of a situation, leading us to an incorrect reading of someone.

Defining your negotiation style

“When you know your own strengths and weaknesses, you are better able to know those of others. Once you do, managing people becomes an optimisation game where everyone wins” – Floyd Maxwell.

If you understand your own negotiation style, you can identify your own comfort zones and behaviour that may limit your success.

Each negotiating style has its own characteristics in terms of likes, dislikes, strengths, opportunities for improvement. Understanding our own style is a precursor to understanding those others use. And we need to be able to negotiate successfully with all of them.

Working with your own negotiation ‘rules’ and beliefs

The attitudes and beliefs that shape your response to conflict are highly individualised and are influenced by many factors, including your culture, family background and behaviour, and personal experiences (either positive or negative) in dealing with conflict, to name a few.

In addition to attitudes and beliefs, your behaviour in any conflict negotiation also is influenced by your values and assumptions regarding:

1) the nature and importance of relationships;

2) how other people function;

3) how you should go about getting what you want;

4) your knowledge of the specific situation; and

5) your understanding of your opponents.

Finally, your approach to conflict negotiation is affected by the extent to which you balance interest-driven concerns (goal attainment), and relationship-driven concerns (developing and maintaining positive, working relationships).

To be an effective conflict negotiator, you must first understand your personal style or approach to conflict negotiation and then adapt and adjust that style in response to the circumstances under which you must negotiate.

Playing the ‘game’ of negotiation

In negotiation, everything is a chip – everything has tradable value. Substantive chips involve the merits of the negotiation. Procedural chips are the tactics your adversary must pay some price to defeat. Your general approach is to gain a little here, gain a little there (“accumulating small advantages”) until your client is satisfied with the negotiating result.

On occasion you may do better than “satisfaction.” But satisfaction should be your goal. Can your client face himself, her family, his employer or her Board or shareholders with that result?

Your case and bargaining position dictate your settlement negotiation strategy. And your negotiation strategy dictates which bargaining tactics you will want to use. You will then be ready to play the game of negotiation.

The five main negotiation strategies are competitive, accommodating, compromising, collaborating and avoidance. Competitive strategy involves an “I win, you lose” attitude. Accommodation is “I will let you win in exchange for some other benefit I hope to gain now or later.” Compromising is “I don’t care who wins, I just want to get this over with quickly.” Collaboration is “We can both win by expanding the pie before we cut it.” And avoidance is “I don’t really want to play at all.”

Knowing your bottom line

When preparing to negotiate in addition to knowing what your alternatives are, you should also determine what your bottom line is. In other words, what is it that you would not accept the deal and you would be willing to walk away from the deal? At what point do you decide that the deal is not worth it. This may be price or something other factor.

For instance if you have a deadline and the other party cannot meet your delivery date, then would you walk away from the deal? It might be that their delivery is a key component in some other deal and if delivery is not made by a certain time, you cannot commit to it.

Determining your alternatives to negotiation, will help you also determine your bottom line. This is where your alternatives are better than the deal you are currently negotiating. When the deal offered is worse than what you can tolerate, don’t be afraid to walk away. If you accept the bad deal, you will probably regret it. Knowing your bottom line prior to negotiations can keep you out of trouble.

Knowing what to give away

Think about what the other party’s top issues are likely to be. This will help you develop strategies to negotiate your position. Estimate the other party’s probable limits in reaching a compromise. Consider your counterpart’s BATNA (best alternative to a negotiated agreement).; what is likely to be his or her next best choice?

“Before you go into negotiation, reflect on what the other party is looking for and what you can give up.”

(Dr. Nalin Jayasuriya is the Managing Director & CEO, McQuire Rens & Jones (Pvt) Ltd. He has held regional responsibilities of two multinational companies, of which one, Smithkline Beecham International, was a Fortune 500 company before merging to become GSK. He carries out consultancy assignments and management training in Dubai, India, Maldives, Singapore, Malaysia, Indonesia and Bangladesh. Nalin has been Consultant to assignments in the CEB, Airport and Aviation Services and setting up the PUCSL. He is a much sought-after Business Consultant and Corporate Management Trainer in Sri Lanka. He has won special commendation from the UN Headquarters in New York for his record speed in re-profiling and restructuring the UNDP. He has lead consultancy assignments for the World Bank and the ADB. Nalin is an executive coach to top teams of several multinational and blue chip companies. He is non-Executive Director on the Boards of Entrust Securities plc. and Eswaran Brothers Exports Ltd.)