Commemorating International Friendship Day with awareness of intra and inter personal communication

A society which does not know how to communicate decently with each other; with respect and empathy, will be in chaos 

Friends with oneself 

Friends with humanity 

Friends with the universe

By Surya Vishwa 

International Friendship Day falls on 30 July as proclaimed in 2011 by the UN General Assembly to promote friendship between people, countries, cultures and individuals.

Friendship is a deep concept that is connected with the medium of communication. With no communication there can be no friendship. This relates to interpersonal communication as well as intrapersonal communication. Interpersonal communication is between human beings and intrapersonal communication is with and within oneself. 

It could be argued that all communication begins first and foremost within oneself through the route of intra-personal communication; this is the seed of what we call ‘attitude’ or ‘worldview’ of how we see others and the universe at large. Often we see others as a reflection of ourselves. Our worldview is the mirror. If we are often angry and frustrated and see only the negative side of the world, it is likely that we will always be blaming others and fail to see that this world has two sides – the darkness and the light. Often individuals who highlight the dark side of the world would not be a true friend to themselves and could tend to have anxiety and depression issues. 

A happy person is someone who picks out the reasons to be happy and are often those who seek this happiness beyond the joy of material gratification. For example the awareness that we are on a very short trip and that we will reach the end destination at any moment, which is called death is something that should make us happy. Bhutan, the country that introduced the Gross National Happiness Index to the world, changing how the world looks at what we call ‘development’ or ‘prosperity’ or ‘ economic growth’ is a country that as part of its Buddhist culture, trains every child to think at least five times a day about death. This is the secret of a nation known for its ever smiling citizens.

If we talk to ourselves about our imminent death which could occur at any time, irrespective of age, a lot of the nonsense we are pre-occupied with – barriers between humans and the craze for accumulating material comfort at the cost of nature will cease. 

If we think of death five times a day as every Bhutanese child is taught to, we would remind ourselves that each moment is precious. This would help to serve others and be kind to ourselves while maximising our skill, knowledge and hobbies to leave a positive mark on the world before we depart.

If we devote every moment only for material gratification then this would bring us sorrow as we would be too attached to that which is temporary. An attitude that expands beyond the self is a happy attitude and could only be reached with healthy intrapersonal communication. This is synonymous with being a wise friend to one-self. 

This wisdom through pragmatic intrapersonal communication is the foundation for healthy interpersonal communication upon which each society is founded upon. A society which does not know how to communicate decently with each other; with respect and empathy, will be in chaos. If we look at progressive societies – progressive beyond the material but which also includes it – which have moulded for itself healthy education systems aimed at creating a knowledge force that will bring collective happiness and prosperity to its citizens equally, we will find a culture of healthy communication. 

A healthy culture of communication will help us not to stay fixated on our views and to engage the multifarious dimensions of other perspectives. A respect based culture of communication that includes a healthy balance of intra and inter personal communication extends beyond humans and includes all of the universe. 

For example, if we save water, this means we are respectful of this scarce resource, and will make us learn about the trees that help propagate more water resources within the root of the earth. This signifies that we have learnt to be respectful to ourselves and thereby learn to be respectful of the key earth resource which enables life to pulsate within our body. With all the food in the world, if we do not have water, we die. 

Trees plants, animals and insects are part of this universe and have more right to exist in it than us for the simple reason that their presence is not a liability for the sustainability of this planet. If we learn to communicate with assertiveness as public speaking coaching instructs and is dumb to the healthy non-violent interaction we should cultivate with the other inhabitants of the earth, all the effective speaking skills we use to earn money alone is useless. Similarly, modern education and scientific advancement that does not consider the safeguarding and protection of the one and only planet earth humans have as their home is destructive. 

Thus, in commemorating Friendship Day we should extend our reach to understand in depth the overarching concept of friendship. Today we have humans who have mastered the world but who have neither mastered their minds nor their bodies. We hear of suicides of high professionals who advised governments on how to achieve material wealth but who were strangers to themselves. This is the plight of our modern education system. We consider ‘having anxiety issues,’ almost a fad – it is kind of a ‘done thing’ in some parts of the world to ‘ask youth if they are having ‘anxiety’ or ‘Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)’ and lump any kind of hyperactivity with such a label leading to tablet based treatment. This is a typical example of how children are taught not to communicate and become friends with their inner self, mind and consciousness. 

Ancient tribes and traditions of those such as ancestors of this land and others, such as those of the Mayans, Maori, Native American civilisations had solid systems of knowledge that connected each individual with the universe and considered each human being as a microcosm of the cosmos. 

This is how for example the system of Indian Ayur-Veda was developed where the Vatha-Pitha-Kapha concept of health analysis is synonymous with seeing the whole of the human persona in equation with how you analyse the elements that make up the universe. 

Let us then as we commemorate International Friendship Day, remember to be first and foremost, a good and prudent friend to ourselves and then to others, including especially all of life that inhabit in this earth.