Holistically programming while young, the system of our minds

 The primary and secondary schooling system should have separate practice based teaching time allocated for values and ethics

A parent who teaches jealousy, envy, racism and other biases is bringing up a corroding human machinery. They are producing liabilities to the nation. A mind fearful of the progress of another can never succeed. A heart that aches because of the success of another can never be at peace

A system is a cohort of operations that enable the function of something. The human anatomy is such a system and if one part is not functioning properly it affects the entirety. 

However a ‘healthy’ system can be deceiving. A clever mind that gets high marks at examinations and then uses that cleverness to deprive others of what is theirs is a mind that is cancerous and which could explode in crimes that impact millions of people. 

The heart which is an important part of the anatomy should be of good order for proper physical function of the whole body as the heart supplies blood to the other organs. A healthy heart is paramount for a productive human life.

The heart is innervated and the nerve centre of emotion but the wrong emotion (envy, jealousy, obsession and anger) can cause disastrous effects internally and externally. 

Internally such defiled emotions can lead to many illnesses such as cancer, heart attacks and other illnesses. Externally it will contribute negativity to the world.

In a recent conversation a neighbour – a woman with a son who had performed well at school but fell short of just few marks for university entrance complained that this had happened because he had helped fellow students and neglected his own studies. She then went on about how those other students had got into university and how their parents were so proud of their sons who were so ambitious. Her own son, known to be brilliant in knowledge was soft spoken, gentle and kind but not ambitious like his friends, she lamented and said that he spent his time still trying to help his friends who were in university and were coaching them!

I replied that she should be not just proud of but be honoured to be the mother of such a son who I said could be a boon she had got as part of her good karma.

They need to stop poisoning their children with the debris of their own rubbish

I asked her whether the Dharmic law she followed according to Buddhism would hold that life would not work out for such a human being as her son. She seemed appeased but left sighing.

This example spells out the fact that the system change of minds needs to start with parents – at least they need to stop poisoning their children with the debris of their own rubbish.

We talk of racism. Can a four-year-old child differentiate between a child of X religion, Y religion, and Z ethnicity? No. Such a child when seeing another of a different culture will be excited to have a playmate. That is all. Will a four-year-old differentiate between class and caste or race or religion or skin colour? Clearly not. 

An Icelandic friend once said that in a play program for toddlers in her country a two year and a half year old was amazed at the bronze coloured child of an African diplomat and kept saying ‘Chocolate,’ ‘Chocolate,’ and reaching to kiss her! If we want to re-learn the purity we lost in this world we can become closer to children. 

It is parents who start telling their kids don’t associate X, Y, or Z child because of A, B, C reason. The child will not understand at first but will start following the advice of the parents. Soon the child would have programmed their minds and thereby their hearts to think and feel just like their parents.

Three days back a 16-year-old sitting for the Ordinary Level exam this year told me that she could not get a single note needed for her studies from her classmates if she missed a class. I told her that she should identify the classmates who did not give her the notes and then when they need such help, to go out of her way to help them. I explained that if she takes this action the vicious attitudinal prison the parents of her classmates had imprisoned them in would break. Casting out poison from a mind at age 16 is easily possible. It becomes impossible when the mind has absorbed such thoughts fully and overtake the entire personality. 

In researching and discussing for this article I was told as follows by a spiritual master who teaches heart based meditation (focusing on pure love in the heart). What he said was as follows;

“When a child comes from school what are the questions that the parents ask? Do they ask how many children did you help? Do they ask questions such as – How are the sick parents of X child? Did the father of Y who lost his job get employment? Can you get more details so we can help that child’s father? Shall we go and see X child’s parents with some fruits and vegetables they could use?”

Perfect parenting

There are few families I personally know who have such discussions with their children. The children are remarkable examples of both academic brilliance and are the perfect ambassadors of kindness, empathy and compassion. They are hugely popular in school and are often elected to leadership positions. They share their notes freely and are never upset when a student they help scores above them. Their parents have taught them to be very happy when a student they help scores above them stating that it is a showcasing of their brilliance in teaching and that they could become a professor one day with this ability or create a school or university. 

This is what you could call perfect parenting. A parent who teaches jealousy, envy, racism and other biases is bringing up a corroding human machinery. They are producing liabilities to the nation. A mind fearful of the progress of another can never succeed. A heart that aches because of the success of another can never be at peace. 

Being happy even if they prosper above you

There is research by those such as Irish author Joseph Murphy on how being extra good to others and being happy even if they prosper above you, is a universal law that never fails to provide a person with utmost wellbeing, physically, psychologically and materially. He has cited enough case studies in his many books that prove this. 

So how does one bring about mass scale changes a nation needs to cultivate a major mindset shift that will impact not just individuals but the entire psyche of the country?

We should start small. We should start at age 17 and train a whole bunch of young people to volunteer – teaching kindness and empathy in a qualitative and demonstrative way to pre-school children. 

Lifelong impact

We will end with two local examples of the lifelong impact of the teaching of such values. The Pure Sri Lankan Tea icon Merrill Fernando, who is now 93 years old, in his biography attributes his entire success to the concept of selflessness being stringently taught by his mother. He had been weekly made to give whatever sweets he got as gifts to neighbouring children who could not afford them. At first a bit reluctant, it soon became a habit and as his recollections in his book points out his Dilmah brand was started with the primary intention of genuinely doing good (out of the public limelight), understanding the exploitation of the core labour force of the tea industry and the other needs of the nation.

Denagama Siriwardena, the well known Sinhala language writer and senior journalist recently told me how his primary school Buddhism teacher’s influence to use the practice of Buddhism in daily life prevented him and nine other rural kids from picking up even a single sweet from a major sweet shop in the village which was affected by the 1958 ethnic riots. They had stood on the road and watched all the fancy toffees and sweets in jars strewn on the road as the building went up in flames. Not a single child – they were then 10 years old – moved forward to pick them up. Denagama Siriwardena is today well known in promoting Buddhism in his writings for the purpose of inculcating peaceful minds and is also known for using his writing skills for ethnic and religious harmony. 

As we end this article we will do so with some recommendations;

Pre-school teaching could have attitude coaching strategies clearly thought out.

Teenagers preferably between 17 and 19 should be trained to volunteer to teach 3 to 4 year olds how to be super loving to their playmates and share their toys (despite the initial waterfalls and hysteria this may bring about!)

Pre-schools should thereby emphasise values and ethic based teachings and the independent attending of their personal tasks.

The primary and secondary schooling system should have separate practice based teaching time allocated for values and ethics. 

This should be joined with teaching national responsibility aspects such as contributing to cleanliness of roads, garbage disposal ethics and vehicle driving ethics. (SV)