May as a month commemorating peace

Working towards the wellbeing of another human being is one way to heal these wounds

We feature below the verbatim interview with a former member of the Sri Lankan military who is currently working in the nature and environment based sector linked with tourism. He is today a dedicated social worker, liaising with Sri Lankan expatriate philanthropists in helping restore eyesight, especially of the old and feeble rural poor. Below is the verbatim narrative of this individual obtained on grounds of his anonymity being maintained. The interview is part of a media research on the importance of engaging the tri-forces as key stakeholders of sustainable peace. The research hypothesis argues that why peace processes across the world have failed is because there is little focus on treating the military as human beings who suffer most in a conflict situation not of their making and if this suffering and their socio-spiritual contribution as peace creators are not engaged, are at risk of great inner psycho-social damage. It is argued that this would further distance the harmonious condition needed in the external atmosphere. 

By Surya Vishwa 

Q: Which location in Sri Lanka were you raised in as a child?

A: In an area between Anuradhapura and Vavuniya, falling to a border village of the north. I wish not to disclose the exact location.

Q: What is the Dharma (faith) you live your life by?

A: Buddhism. 

Q: Are both your parents Buddhist?

A: Yes. 

Q: When did you join the military?

A: Soon after finishing my Advanced Level examinations.

Q: What motivated you to join the military?

A: There was a lot of unrest building up at the time in the country and I felt the need to protect the land I was born into. 

Q: Were you aware that this would involve killing another human being?

A: Yes, in general one has to do this as part of achieving greater protection for a greater number of people in the face of terrorist acts. 

Q: Was it easy in the beginning to kill another human being?

A: No. My family are not even meat eaters. No. It was not easy. But I did not join the military to kill humans. I joined for a noble cause. 

Note: We had to stop the interview at this point as the interviewee felt disturbed and I had to re-route my questioning focusing on his childhood.

Q: Would you like to speak of your childhood? 

A: Yes. It was a peaceful one. Our childhood was in an abundant village setting and therefore very peaceful. We were educated well. It is only myself who did not pursue higher education. My siblings got into good jobs and we were not in want at any part of our lives. Of my two parents my mother was highly spiritual and would spend a lot of time in meditation and charity work. As children we too helped her in some charity initiatives. I have two brothers and a sister. It is only I who joined the military. 

Q: Is it your mother’s influence that made you take up the mission of helping to restore eyesight of fellow human beings?

A: In general yes, but there is a different reason.

Q: Would you like to speak about it?

A: Yes. The very origin of my mission to get involved in eyesight related social work involves one of the most painful experiences of my life which I have not shared with any member of my family or anyone even in the military. You are the first person I am revealing this to. You must promise me you will not reveal my identity but I would like people to be exposed to what we go through as soldiers. We go through one of the most excruciating and harrowing experiences a human being has to endeavour. This is especially difficult for us Buddhists who are trained in the path of Ahimsa. 

Q: Please share any of the experiences you feel will help humanity to have better insight and understanding of situations they are not exposed to first hand.

A: This experience relates to how I came to leave the military on early retirement as I had put in the due years of service.

Q: I appreciate that you are sharing this experience with me so that it can be shared with a wider readership. At any point you wish to stop please do so. You are not compelled to continue if you feel uncomfortable.

A: Thank you. This incident occurred at the height of hostilities between the Sri Lankan Government troops and the LTTE. There may have been scores of such incidents I had faced but did not allow to penetrate my inner mind. However, this particular incident struck me so deeply that I never recovered from the scar. In battle we soldiers are to be pitied most as we close up a particular door to emotions as we engage in the task fated for us to do. We then strengthen our resolve with the thought that we are doing this for the safety and security of a larger public. We tell ourselves that we are fighting terrorism and not human beings but we are confronted with the reality that these are also humans who have been led by diverse circumstances to be identified by this label. 

Q: I appreciate your thoughts. Please continue in your narrative, according to your level of comfort.

A: It was at the height of conflict as I was saying. I had just returned from spending time with my family and had gone on a short meditation pilgrimage with my mother. Back again on the battleground I had to struggle with the pace of the firing which was heavy from the opposing side. Most people who preach about war and peace should come to the battleground and try to be in the shoes of someone who is merely doing their duty as a soldier. When you are facing bullets you cannot stand there and dream of love and peace. You have to shoot back. This is what we do. You have to keep pace with the onslaught of bullets and try and gamble at life. This is what I did that day. I used up almost all the ammunition I had and then I felt the firing lesson from the other side. Then I heard a sharp cry. A woman’s voice. She cried out as my sister did when in deep pain. When in pain we remember our mother first. We cry out ‘Amme’ (mother). The word Amme is the same in Tamil and Sinhala. This young woman who I could not really see was crying out Amme, Amme.

Note: We had to stop the interview at this point and continue later.

Q: If you could speak of the first person you helped to restore eyesight?

A: It was an older female in the rural areas of our village who was attempting to cross a large field that had some thorny patches. She was on her way to a public bathing area and was finding it very difficult. I helped her to cross the field and then asked her about her eyesight. She told me that she did not have the money for the operation concerned to restore her sight which was seriously impaired. I asked her to use traditional options for the time being. This was towards the end of my military career. 

Shortly after, through sheer karmic co-incidence I met a senior Tamil gentleman of Sri Lankan origin, settled in a foreign land who was working with Sri Lankan eye doctors to facilitate the needed operations, lenses and medicines to Sri Lankans irrespective of ethnicity.

Q: Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. Please continue focusing on any points you consider important for the reader.

A: After the battleground incident I told you earlier I felt that young woman’s voice echoing in my ears. I could not continue my duties as I did earlier. I asked for a long leave citing medical grounds as I was physically getting sick. I was quite near retirement anyway so I soon decided to leave. I made formal arrangements to depart from the armed forces. I had conscientiously served as a soldier with discipline, as a duty to the nation, and all its people. My intention and those of others who joined the military was to sacrifice our lives for a greater good. We had nothing against our fellow citizens, our Tamil brothers and sisters. We knew some of them had joined an organisation defined as a terror organisation. I did not go into a political analysis of a war I did not create but was part of. I just did my duty. My own eyesight was restored in a different sense when I met the senior Tamil philanthropist who was engaged in working with the Sri Lankan health ministry to restore the eyesight of as many people as possible and who has to date helped many thousands of people. 

Q: You have mentioned the incident with the old lady with weak eyesight who was trying to cross field with thorns but there are also many other fields of charity that you could have got into – why did you stick with the restoring of eyesight of people?

A: At a practical level it is because in a human being eyesight is the most crucial asset. At a different level – spiritually and philosophically speaking maybe because I felt my own eyesight into the needless suffering of war was restored. I cannot explain further.

Q: How do you find the life you are leading now?

A: Wonderful. I work at a wilderness surrounded place in a tourism resort focusing on nature conservation. I feel the healing of the earth every day and it is a totally different life than what I and thousands of others lived for years. Whenever I am free I assist this Tamil gentlemen in identifying deserving persons in diverse remote locations who need assistance for the restoring of eyesight. Meetings of rural villagers who need help are held in my home and my mother and relatives do the needful facilitating the interaction between this gentleman and the beneficiaries. 

Q: This is my last question. I thank you very much for sharing your story. How do you think a national military could be engaged in peace creation and maintenance during and after a violent conflict?

A: This can be done in so many ways. During war it is a very challenging thing to do but this has been achieved by many in the tri-forces and even those in very high command. Especially after the end of a violent conflict peace and stability has to be constantly created. The wounds of war are deep. Many in the military carry these wounds. They cannot show it. Working towards the wellbeing of another human being is one way to heal these wounds as I have done. This has to be attempted with the support by those such as psychiatrists and psychologists who should be involved in a well thought of integrated process of national post-conflict healing. The longer a nation festers without such a healing process it could be more difficult. One individual with a deep unhealed wound reflects a larger national wound. A civil war causes thousands of individuals like this. Likewise the stable and peaceful mind of one individual can alter a nation. We talk of economy and stability but for this we need those who were exposed to unbearable experiences to be healed. This may take many years for some. Many would lock their wounds and proceed as normal persons. But it could be like a volcano. 

(This interview is produced to herald May as a month commemorating lasting peace and unity. The writer is a Sri Lankan and global citizen who seeks to transcend the limitations of ethnic, national and religious identity. She was a key mainstream journalist covering Sri Lanka’s war and peace scenarios from the 1990s and was a journalist for a national Sri Lankan newspaper and several foreign publications tasked with covering the 2002 peace process. She has also worked in the international peacebuilding field and is currently focusing on different integrated routes towards a higher spirituality, peace and harmony within and between human beings using Intangible Cultural Heritage as one of the channels.)