Non-verbal communication for everyday success for self and others

By the Harmony Page team

Who communicates what and at which times? This is a generic question to start this discussion. 

What is communication? We know that there are academic courses teaching the different aspects of human communication but in practical everyday life do we go very deeply into this science of human interaction? We use the word reading to refer to books but are not human beings living, breathing books that we often fail to read? We are referring to non-verbal communication cues with which humans convey their thoughts, intentions and feelings without intending to do so.

These gleanings as mentioned below are a brief summary from a set of workshops conducted in Sri Lanka by Jean-Marie Bottequin, a practice based Trainer in Communication and Body Language to help persons to succeed better in careers and personal lives which all encompass healthy communication patterns with others.  

The facilitator that works with Jean-Marie Bottequin in Sri Lanka and internationally, in the English language is integrated communication practitioner, Frances Bulathsinghala who arranged for Jean Marie Bottequin to share his knowledge with a cross section of Sri Lankan professionals such as those in the film industry, training, accounting and fashion.

The problem at time with theory as a sole focus in regard to communication studies is that it is difficult to get the message across and Jean-Marie focuses instead on a hands on practice based experience that includes experiments where two people who never met each other before sit face to face and silently ‘share a story’ to the other in their heads. Later they are asked ‘what’ the story was. The unfolding is an uncanny miracle of sorts where the ‘story’ that was ‘communicated in silence’ to the other person was accurately grasped and narrated thereon. Of course the narrator who says what the other person ‘storified’ may sometimes communicate this in doubt as he or she is not used to this kind of mental reading which is usually seen as the ownership of seers or sages!

“Everyone communicates all the time what is in their minds to the world at large. They tell the world about their personality types, their worldview and if they are sad, happy and comfortable or uncomfortable,” says Jean-Marie who taught in his training how a person communicates all of this in the way they walk, hold their heads and eye level.

“Now walk as if you were a queen. How would a queen or a king walk? See. This is how a queen or a king would walk in full confidence of their power and grace,” he explained and then went onto walk without slouching, without dragging feet and also without overt aggressiveness. He then got his audience to walk in that manner and asked them how they felt after it.

All of the participants said they felt a surge of positivity and 

happiness. 

“Happiness is a sublime state that is an emotion that arises deep within the consciousness of an individual and this can be tapped into any time,” he stated.  

His training covers vast dimensions related to communication as well as a host of other inter-related disciplines including those connected with the arts. One of the fundamental theories he bases his teachings and case studies on is American psychologist Abraham Maslow‘s theory mentioned in his paper “A Theory of Human Motivation” and published in 1943 in the journal Psychological Review and now known commonly as Malow’s hierarchy of needs that analyses a human beings requirement for physiological balance, safety, love and belonging, esteem and self-actualisation through the dimensions of the cognitive and the aesthetic. 

These are taught in universities across the world in subjects connected to communication, sociology or social psychology and psychology but this knowledge needs to be brought out into the world in creative ways to show their everyday power, explains Jean-Marie who was teaching in universities in Vienna and Austria as a visiting professor and is associated with Positive Transcultural Psychotherapy with World Association of Positive Psychotherapy with Prof. Dr. Nossrat Peseschkian, Orientation Coach for Challenges in Intrapersonal Relations. 

A mime specialist and artist, Jean Marie combines these aspects to help people to become aware of how they ‘talk to the world at large.’

“For example – hand gestures that people make when they speak. They are not consciously aware of why they are gesturing in a particular way when they describe something. Whether their hand gestures are usually upwards or downwards when they communicate, it both tells us their mindset. For example, a cheerful person who is confident about transforming any circumstance into positivity would usually make hand gestures which are upward movement – like raising the palms skyward or slightly sideways but never with the fingers fully downwards when speaking or describing something. In contrast, someone who may be always complaining or finding fault or feeling that the world is a terrible place may do the reverse where his or her hand gestures are positioned downwards,” explains Jean-Marie.

Why are these aspects important for us to know? Because we can ‘read’ another person a little bit better irrespective of what he says verbally and maybe help to make his or her worldview a little happier or tolerable. 

“It is about empathy. When we understand the other person we also understand ourselves because every human is connected to the other in a metaphysical reality.”

“This is why all religions tell us to love each other. Because everyone needs kindness and understanding at any given moment. Non-verbal communication is therefore the code that maps out a person’s feelings and help us to quickly assess the mind-map of the fellow human,” Jean-Marie explains. 

In a workshop he conducted for restaurant staff and managers he taught them to do a ‘quick preview’ on the customers who walk in and how attention to detail in a business location goes very far in business sustainability. 

“There are customers who are impatient and need quick results. They will never come to a restaurant again if they are kept waiting more than ten minutes, for example. How is the cleanliness of the washroom of a restaurant? This will tell everything about the attitude of the business establishment and a meticulous restaurant without a clean washroom is counterproductive,” explained Jean-Marie. 

We will in our upcoming editions feature a teaching orientation through a detailed interview with Jean-Marie prioritising non verbal communication for a nation seeking to restore its economic wellbeing and how each individual can rise to the occasion within his or her own business or entrepreneurial setting.