PRESIDENSHEL ELECSHEN GIDE

His Glorious Honourable Excellency (Dr X 5) Chaminda Pusswedilla the 1st 

Friend of the People, Son of the Village, Servant of the Nation, Father of Democracy, Brother of Freedom Cousin of Human Rights, Close Relation of Media Freedom 

by Chaminda Pusswedilla, 

Former Two-Times President, Three-times Presidenshel Elecshen (PE) Candidate, Two-Times Winner and One-Times First Runners-up

PART 3

FREE B’S AND FREEBIES

FREE B’s & Freebies. All PECs are addised not to get these two confused.  

FREE B’s - Refers to the only three B’s you can give the voter, before the elecshen. Buth-Packet, Bottle and Bus Ride! With ElectingComishen saying that this giving Free B’s is not good and Poleece cumming and oll, PEC must find innovative ways to make sure the peeples get the free B’s. Your campain funding should be done right for this to be acheeved.

FREEBIES - Refers to the things you are giving to Public, AFTER the election, IF you win! This second clause ‘if you win’ is very impotent in this FREEBIES. With FREEBIES olways adopt a Less-is-More strategy:

The LESS chance you think you have of winning, then MORE can the FREEBIE be, The MORE chance you think you have of winning, then LESS must be the FREEBIE!

The way OLL the candidates have announced the FREEBIES, it looks like NONE of them think they are going to win! When promising freebies, please please remember one thing: NONE of you are related,  closely or otherwise, to an Arab OliSheekh Billionaire!!!!

IMPOTENT POINTS TO TOLK ABOUT

TAXATION

Every Government treats Taxation, the way an Alcoholic treats Alcohol! 

Everyone say they want to reduce it, in the end, Nobody really does! Sometimes, they reduce one and increase another!! Stop one and rename another! 

Exactly like Sumanapala, the drunken alcoholic who tolding his wife: “Mama ada indan Gal bonney naa, Pol witharay! Bothal deka, adukaranawa ekata! Namuth, raata Vodka bothalayay, Gin Baagayak bonawa! But, my darling, no more Gal!”

The way some PECs have been tolking I feel it is time we had a quick recap of how this Government thing works:

A DumBass Gide to Taxing for oll PECs

- Government needs money (Don’t ask why… you should know)

- We, I mean Governmen,t can print money (Don’t ask where the printers are.. it’s a secret)

- Now there is a law that LIMITS our, I mean Govt.’s ability to print money (No, it’s not becose they have hidden the printer inks, it is to control inflashen. And I am assuming you are aware of the concept)

- Taxing is the MAIN way Govt gets money (There are others but it involves selling stuff, which most of you are not fond of. But we oll know you are not fond of OTHER leaders selling, you want to be the seller!)

- Reducing Taxing means less money, so we have to find other ways of getting that money.

Eggsample: If you reduce 5% you lose X. How will you find X? Is X Kadju-ata or Kos-ata? New taxes?

Difference rates? Collecting unpaid taxes? How much is there? What is the gap?

These are not questions you answer AFTER you sit in the Putuwa!

RECONCILIATION

Olways say something but do not get into specificks. Do not tolk about getting any addice from the only country that managed to acheeve Nashnel reconciliation to some extent! Olways assume that Economic Progress will olways erase bad memories!! 

IMPLEMENTASHEN OF ‘THAT’ AMENDMENT

This is now becoming a story of olmost Biblical Proportions, even the Number of ‘That’ Amendment! Olways try to skirt around this isshue by tolking about Jobs, better life for Peeples, Ferries, Fishing, Yindiyan Fishermen, Stadiyums etc. Olso you must keep saying you will appoint, Committee, Task Force, All-Party Conference, Multi-Party Symposiums etc to discuss and make final recommendashens on this matter.

ON THE TRAIL ADDICE TO THE THREE, I MEAN FOUR, MAIN PECs

Ajith Luvdaasa - Giving freebies is expensive Putha. Everyone saying you have a good team and oll. Even our world-cup winning CaptenCool olso. Why don’t you sit down with him for a few minutes and ask him how leedership works! When we won World-Cup, Quarter-final, SannaBoy man of Match, Semi AND Final AraBoy man of match, CaptenCool went and lifting trophy! That is leedership, you have a team, you trusting them and empowering them to do their best. Sort of what UncleDickie did with your Thaaththi!

Wikrama Nikamsinghe - I must applaud you. If you analyze your speeches over the years, so nice to know that so much has changed, yet things olways remain the same! The only different is that in your speeches now, you DON’T want to abolish two things: 

1. The Putuwa

2. The Pusswedilla! 

What you and I have, will olways be speshel my freend. And as someone who has walked a multi-decade journey with you, please know this, I really want you to win this one, you have my vote!

WarunaKumara Disaawaknaa - Your symbol is the Compass and your Economic Addisers really really need one! A real one! Pleese remind them and yourself, there are lots of things everyone wants to do! Problem is, everything costs money these days! What to do? Something colled Capitalism (Remember I spoke about Socialism beginning with a Capital C?) happened to most of the world. It’s a crappy system where the rich just seems to be wanting to and getting richer!

Remember one thing, the poor peeples of this nashen olways had hope that someday, the Rathu Sahodarayas only can and will save them! If you win, and cannot deliver, becose you have made promises neither YOU nor our Nashen can AFFORD, then you take away that last bit of hope they had!

PunchiPuss - My Darling Putha, Bearer-of-my-Legacy, I have asked everyone in the family to vote for you! I saw your manifesto, very nice, ‘BankiDakma’, remind’s me a lot of ‘ChamindaChinthanaya’ but it’s ok. I olso liking the massive cutouts of me in oll your meetings! Cyril telling me, “Sir duwana kotawath mechchara lokuwata Sirgey muhuna dammey naa!”

As you get ready for the last bit of Campaining, the last part of the Gide cumming tomorrow!