A million-dollar nine yards!

N.K. Iilangakoon is the man most indefatigably regal in Khaki; his billet as IGP laps it up. Over the years I have been ratherishly palsy-walsy with a few Inspectors General of Police but not the current Chief. So I may not know enough; I never do but will anyway say that the man comes a cropper in the fine art of keeping one’s job. He doesn’t seem to have a clue on the meaning of “Aye, aye, Sir,” the idiomatic military-like response to one’s masters.

The grapevine has it that many a ministering type wants his head and the man isn’t likely to learn anytime soon that in this island of perpetual delights, winning the respect of your men will not give you a ticket to your future. He is lucky though that his immediate boss appreciates his mettle. Now that the gospel truth is out about boys never growing up, the IGP is reportedly taking bad boys out of stations where they are in the company of influential bad boys. Ohoma yamu, ohoma yamu!

Previously I asked for your take on the million dollar question intriguing islanders? Activity in the inbox points to many contenders for the plum. Here are the front-runners listed in a hugely conspiratorial order:

nWhy doesn’t Merv & Co get to eat from a good hotel?

nWhat did Semini say to Damitha?

nWill Duminda and Hirunika live happily ever after?

nHow many R’s and Wannabe R’s does it take to rule the roost?

nWill Ranil ever be King?

nWho will be the next mega star?

nWho came first, hen or the egg?

nWhy didn’t Noah squat the two mosquitoes?

nTo play or not to play?

That last one is dedicated in memory of all the questions we will never have answers for. But most of the questions on the list will eventually see answers worth a million dollars.

Oh, I think someone asked something about economic progress, justice, human rights, and law and order but didn’t quite get into the top 50,000 million-dollar club. As for the IPL fiasco, well, the warlords of TN believe that Lankan players have been manacled from the whole nine yards, little realising that in this instance it’s still a whole 22 yards, come or go Chennai! But, to play or not to play? We shall soon know!

The term ‘the whole 9 yards’ supposedly originated from WWII fighter pilots flying in the Pacific. Their .50 calibre machine gun ammunition belts measured exactly 27 feet long, before being loaded into the fuselage. That’s a lot of firepower and, if the pilots fired all their ammo at a target, it got ‘the whole 9 yards’.

I found another way to get the whole nine yards. Hypnotise. The poser from Dr. Abdeen was certainly inviting. Talking to him got me interested in the fascinating world of hypnotherapy, especially what I read as covert hypnosis.

Hitler allegedly employed techniques of covert hypnosis in his mesmeric speeches. Researchers believe that dictator may have induced his followers to bypass critical analysis and follow him blindly without even realising it.

Picture yourself inducing answers to our million-dollar Qs, changing decisions of others, especially politicians and bosses, selling your products and making new friends, using remote-controlled hypnosis. What more can you ask for?

You will now send me a mail and enrol in my special do-it-yourself course. You will! Oh, payment up front and no refunds. When you wake up you won’t remember a thing!

I think I just hit the jackpot!

(Dinesh Watawana is a Hypnotherapist. He is a brand guru and heads The 7th Frontier. Now you know how he does it. Email him at [email protected].)