Hit me with a turkey!

The white van carried three dubiously large boxes. Infamous for daring pick-ups of unwilling packages, today it was assigned a somewhat unusual deadweight; to deliver the boxes at three different locations.

The first one was dropped at the Pearly Gates lately known as Temple Trees. The second to Wimal Weerawansa and third at the 5th Lane abode of the Leading Opponent. Our sometimes well-informed informants say that the van was later seeing entering the US Embassy and from sources within, the Conspiracy Desk has learnt of the contents in the boxes.

Each box weighing about five kgs was gift-wrapped in blue and red. Delicately placed inside was a stuffed turkey whose raunchy pose was uncannily similar to one from an x-rated movie. A note read: Wear it if it fits! A footnote said ‘Stuffed in the USA’.

Wickremasinghe complained: “What did I do? “Exactly,” the Turkey was heard saying. Just when I was in the saddle to hatch the next big conspiracy theory it hit me; no not the turkey but the fact that it is the annual Thanks Giving Day in the US, and of course a few other countries sharing similar inclinations.

The stuffed turkey made its first celebrated appearance on the dinner table somewhere in the 1500s and by the turn of the 16th century seasoned into the centerpiece of an annual thanksgiving celebration. The concept dates back to the time when pilgrims first reached America and has also been seen as a festival of harvest. Today it is celebrated as a secular holiday in several countries in the world with the US bringing their turkeys out every fourth Thursday of November.

We the islanders can take a wing out of this turkey. We are a nation of ungrateful hoi polloi. Ever noticed that unless an individual’s patter allows them a thank you in English, you hardly here the Sinhala version of it? While we chew out American familial values, or the lack of it, do we ever realise that such gems like ‘thank you’ and ‘welcome’ are heard in Uncle Sam’s backyard than here?

I feel like a headless turkey. If I did have one I’d learn to appreciate the good in others. How do you feel? You are feeling for your head, right? While you look for it, think of how ungrateful we are about the chivalrous service of our politicians. As a scion recently said our leaders have very little wealth of their own, graciously living on things on loan from the government. Their sole unwavering duty is to serve you and me. The least we can do is send a nice big stuffed turkey. You should. Don’t forget to include a note of appreciation and put a dozen Xs at the bottom, so that they know it’s coming from the bottom of your heart, as you are still looking for your head.

In the middle ages when people were unable to read or write, documents were often signed with an X. Kissing the X represented an oath to fulfil the obligations laid out in the document. The X is still used to denote a kiss; go ahead kiss our guardian angles. I don’t think I feel ok today. It’s less than one month to D-Day and I am already talking gobbledygook. Somebody, hit me with a turkey!

(Dinesh Watawana is a former foreign correspondent and military analyst. He is a brand consultant and heads The 7th Frontier, an integrated communications agency which masterminded the globally-acclaimed eco tourism hotspot KumbukRiver. Email him at [email protected].)