Political dynasty wanted for adoption!

It was well past the graveyard shift, but I had to get to Minister Mervyn Silva. Evil-doers had cast a fiendish spell and he had just promulgated his impending suicide. His has been a monumental crusade for the oppressed, goats including. I raced towards Kelaniya. Just then the phone rang. His young son Malaka had, yet again, found himself at the wrong place at the wrong time. Scampered to JAIC Hilton. Why couldn’t they leave him alone to get high on his youthfulness just as any other stripling would?

I was spot on; in the thick of the chicanery was an intel officer! Any goat wouldn’t be fit to remain one unless it smells a sinister kinship here to the estranged former Army Commander Sarath Fonseka. In a manner rather unbecoming of officer, first the intel sleuth had his bunnies beat him up before unscrupulously throwing away his personal firearm. Thankfully, the quick thinking Ministerial minders accompanying the grandstander’s heir have taken the pistol in to their care, preventing the mortiferous contraption from falling into the wrong hands. It was dutifully handed over to the Police. Hotel camera footage would soon confirm the young man’s inculpability.

Finally, spoke to a dispirited Malaka. He said he didn’t have to worry much about his father as the people were with him.

The next day crowds thronged to Kelaniya in pristine white garments in a prodigious show of solidarity to the Minister. Later they all journeyed to a nearby temple where a momentous event was taking place. Young Malaka was by his father. There has never been a better time for political dynasties, and Malaka’s calling is clear.

The UPFA General Secretary Susil Premajayantha yesterday announced that only family members of elected politicos will be fielded on the blue ticket in future elections, a decision taken in the wake of last week’s provincial council elections. Sons, daughters, wives, fathers, uncles, cousins, etc., of politicians from both the ruling UPFA and the United No-hopers Party who contested the election had been returned handsomely by the voters.

“We have just been offered a clear solution to put an end to intra-party fighting. By electing family members, our voters have shown the way forward. We will only field relatives in future elections who will amicably share the preferential vote,” Premajayantha said. 

Political observers believe that other parties may follow suit and point out to a new political landscape. Usually well-informed sources said that the Elections Commissioner is slated to table a proposal where each political party is allowed to nominate a family of its choice and voters will pick the family of their choice. 

The preferential list or the pecking order for the loot will strictly be a family affair, thus negating the current trend of intra-party political thuggery.

Dr. Paikiasothy Saravanamuttu, the Executive Director of the Centre for Policy Alternatives, said that it was also pursuing a study considering the possibility of handing over the Government, at all levels, to one family on a rotational basis, every six years. He argues that this would bring to a complete halt even inter-party conflicts and bring about political harmony while also lending an otherwise unlikely chance to the affable Ranil Wickremesinghe and Co.

Decided to put myself up for adoption. Will wait in hope for a call from a political dynasty, preferably from the Hambantota way.

(Dinesh Watawana is a former foreign correspondent and military analyst. He is a brand consultant and heads The 7th Frontier, an integrated communications agency which masterminded the globally-acclaimed eco tourism hotspot KumbukRiver. Email him at [email protected].)