The tax on being a woman

By Annemari de Silva

After commenting to my friend last night that I had finally stopped being contacted by a stalker, I woke up this day – while I was praying, of all instances – by a call from yet another unknown number. I’m a social worker and work heavily in youth volunteer activities. I am a representative of two organisations and receive calls from all kinds of people at all hours of the week. Whether it’s someone calling out for help, an idea, a donation, a keenness to serve our community, or someone who just wants to know more, I have to be the voice behind that phone call. I need to have the freedom to do this and as of December 2014, this vocation of mine has taken a different turn.

Every time I get a call from an unknown number now, my heart skips a beat. I used to be excited to receive all these calls from the many voices wanting to serve our community. The gentleness in my voice as I say hello is gone: how would you feel if you were going through a crisis and needed to hear the gentle comfort of your confidante’s voice? My stalker has destroyed this for all of those people. And what’s worse? He met me on a volunteer activity and contacts me on the premise that, as an older person, he wants to guide me as a fellow ‘social activist’.

You’ve destroyed a hefty part of this ‘activist’ spirit, you sad old man.

So tell me, dear Reader, what should I do in this situation? Now, this man has been using every friend of his to call me as I keep blocking every new number. So what’s an obvious next step? Changing SIMs, isn’t it? And this is the answer that reminded me how expensive it is being a woman.

The harasser can stay

I should go

He can keep his number

while I can change mine

Why can’t he change his number

and his phone

and his attitude

and erase me from his memory

Just digitally

(he’s not senile yet)

so my life can go on

as before.

The harassee can buy a new SIM

a new phone

a new attitude

Avoid, don’t

Confront.

Stop standing for all the things you believe.

And what if I went to him

and forced him

physically

tore his SIM apart

so he is forced to buy another one

Is that more violent

than what he is doing to me?

This is a tax on my money

on my mind

on my spirit

and on the country

That you’ve destroyed

another small flame

that was only trying to help.

To stay safe from threats like these in the future, here are the other taxes women have to stomach just by virtue of being women.

1. Paying for a trishaw or personal transport instead of using public transport
2. Having different outfits to travel on public transport, then semi-personal transport like cabs or trishaws, and then personal transport.
3. Pay for the transport and time of a male relative or friend to speak on your behalf and plea to be left alone. My voice is not enough, my misery is not enough.

This prose is written to commemorate the 16 days of activism against gender-based violence, a global campaign taking place from the 25^th November to 10^th December. It was written by a member of the Kavithé Collective – a platform for socially and politically engaged writing by Sri Lankans across the world. To see the rest of this piece and for more information visit www.kavithecollective.com. Submit your own creative writing to [email protected]